Texas Lakes Totally Legitimate
Shipping Company, LLC
We are totally not pirates.
Premier Maritime
Logistics Solutions
Providing "legitimate" shipping, "authorized" cargo transport, and "definitely legal" entertainment across the Texas Lakes since 1711.
* All operations comply with applicable maritime law. We do not endorse, participate in, or condone any form of aquatic plundering, looting, or otherwise acquiring goods without proper documentation.
Your Trusted Partner
in Maritime
Logistics
We were pirating these lakes before Texas had lakes.
Years of Legitimate Shipping
Successful Voyages (No Questions Asked)
Pirate Incidents (We Promise, Cross Our Hearts)
Our Core Competencies
Maritime Services
& Entertainment
Private Parties
Host your next gathering aboard the Millennium Falcon of the lakes. We provide the venue, the atmosphere, and enough plausible deniability for a memorable evening.
Water Ammunition Training
Family-friendly water gun battles led by our least competent but most enthusiastic crew. Perfect for birthdays, team building, and settling neighborhood disputes.
Firework Demonstrations
Our pyrotechnic displays are legally acquired and absolutely not stolen from the county fair. Guaranteed to make your event the talk of the lake.
* Services may or may not involve water-based projectiles, loud explosive devices, and tactical raids on local dining establishments. Terms and parlay conditions apply.
The Plunder Store
Official Merchandise & Tickets
Support our "totally legitimate" operations with branded apparel, accessories, and tickets to our upcoming "logistics demonstrations." All proceeds fund the BSS Kittie's maintenance and "ammunition" restocking.
The Official BSS Kittie Crew Tee
Show your allegiance to the least competent crew on the lakes. Premium cotton. Not approved by the Coast Guard.
Captain Valaar's Command Cap
The official headwear of a man who definitely knows where the sails go. One size fits all pollywogs.
Deckhand Water Blaster 3000
Standard issue for all crew members engaging in "totally legitimate" water-based operations against restaurant fortresses.
(Verified Crewman)
What Our "Clients"
Are Saying
“I've sailed with Captain Valaar for three voyages now. The man once asked me if the nuclear reactor goes in the crow's nest. Best job I've ever had.”
— First Mate Jenkins
Verified Crewman
Ready to Set Sail?
Whether you need "cargo transport," "logistics consultation," or just want to fire water balloons at a restaurant while wearing an eyepatch — we got you.
Reserve Yer Event* By "set sail" we mean board our vessel for pre-approved entertainment purposes. No actual sailing experience required. Or available.